ZER0 FUCKS GIVEN

Ep45 Drunk Hobos at the Furry Orgy

In this week’s ZFG speed run, the crew covers everything from free vodka for hobos, to RFK, Jr’s brain worms, and Bill Hwang’s trial. For those still living in California, we’ve finally discovered where all your hard-earned tax dollars have been going – you’ve been buying rounds at the bar for the homeless. Independent Presidential candidate, RFJ, Jr. reveals what’s been behind, let’s just say some of his more conspiratorial claims – worms have been gnawing away at his frontal lobe. A couple of Stifel employees have taken the whole “naughty maid” script just a tad too far. To be fair, the whole hobos-in-a-hotel idea probably worked better than the latest Furry convention. But in a bizarre twist, Krista spices things up a bit with her own recollection of a cuddly friend after moving to San Francisco. The Archegos trial has begun, and it’s provided a glimpse into the true reason behind Bill Hwang’s “aggressive” trading style – he just couldn’t get enough of SpongeBob SquarePants. And apparently, all this talk of naughty maids and furries has Freddy dimming the lights before we can wrap the show. 

Ep44 Harvey’s Gangrene or California Taxes?

Time to get strapped in for this week’s ZFG speedrun. Ok, to be fair, it’s probably not our best choice of phrasing to use ‘strapped in’ with Harvey Weinstein at the top of this week’s episode. However, the good news for any of his jailhouse prey is that karma has come in the form of a gangrenous d*ck. Carson then weighs in on the recent passage of a bill to force the sale of TikTok. While the data collection aspect is one area of concern, Carson highlights the psychological warfare being waged on behalf of the CCP. Or, as Freddy states, “About f*cking time!” South Korea demonstrates that, once again, they have little imagination for cracking down on fraudulent actors. So, of course, regulators are finding new ways to combat “illegal short selling.” Speaking of short sellers, Trump Media’s CEO Devin Nunes has been bitch slapped by a formal statement from Citadel. Unlike South Korea, B. Riley Financial has a found a rather unique way in finding buyers for its bonds. And given the ZFG commitment to bringing our viewers the hardest-hitting footage of world events, Freddy closes out with a glimpse at how the people of Tel Aviv are handling the ongoing chaos. 

Ep43 The Faux Wisdom of Rate Forecasting

Coming at you with a new spin on the ZFG format, Krista, Freddy, and Carson thought we’d like to get up close and personal. No, seriously Krista, we can see your browser history in the reflection of your glasses… All kidding aside, this new format is punchier and a bit more organized than our usual journey now that Krista can read the cue cards directly on her screen. The SEC is cracking down on the internal use of messaging apps, but that might not be the biggest concern for its Texas-based employees. Freddy is still doing his best Russell Crowe impersonation from A Beautiful Mind, and the new close-up gives us a first-row seat into his lightbulb moment for a new business idea. Krista leads the Rate Forecasting Circle Jerk. Journalists try kicking a billionaire when he’s, well, not down. California has come up with new ways to grab money from the rich. And Carson proposes a new segment titled, Guys Who’ve Done Well in One Part of Life Thinking that They Know Everything About Another Part of Life and Sharing That Faux Wisdom with Everybody. Ok, so it’s a working title…

Ep42 Peter Thiel and His Palantir Pirates

The only thing better than watching Alex Karp coming unhinged on CNBC is the fact that one of its co-founders, who's also the Chairman of the Board of Directors, has been the one recklessly dumping Palantir stock. Is Peter Thiel a short-seller in disguise?! Surprise, surprise, more crypto has gone missing. Perhaps James Howells could've taught P. Diddy a thing or two about the proper way to dispose of a sensitive hard drive. Who knows, maybe the raids will turn up empty. But just in case, his lawyers should probably go with the Lego defense come time for the lineup. And have you ever thought of gifting a warthog as a pet? Hunting Somali pirates from a yacht is probably the safer bet...

Ep41 A Trip to the Ranch After Dark

Ever wonder what the children of Texas do in their spare time? After a weekend where Carson and Freddy visited a friend’s ranch, the crew takes a minute to acknowledge the political and societal differences throughout our nation. Maybe throwing axes and dodging ricocheting bullets aren’t your cup of tea. Just be aware, going for a stroll on a beach in California is just as dicey with grandma on patrol. Grandma’s beach lecture isn’t the only baffling story of this week’s episode, as we find out that your cuddly childhood Build-A-Bear Workshop has a dark and dirty side. Ok, well, not as dirty as Vince McMahon but that’s an extremely high bar to clear. And if that doesn’t have you sick to your stomach, just wait until you hear what those restaurant toothpicks are truly designed for. 

Ep40 Dwarfism in the Metaverse: Modern Warfare

When things start and stop working all at the same time. Carson opens our latest episode with a personal struggle that plagues middle-aged men around the globe. As can be expected here on ZFG, we’re asking the hard-hitting questions – Which 5th grader has Gary Gensler assigned to manage the SEC’s cyber security protocols? Freddy, struggling with a bout of insecurity, seeks to set the record straight on SFO’s favorite rabbit. The metaverse continues to prove that it’s nothing more than a breeding ground for incels, but recent headlines appear to raise serious questions about the legality of serving one’s country in Call of Duty. And while we pride ourselves on asking the tough questions, our public service announcements just might save all of humanity. Krista wraps by revealing her first impression of Freddy’s dwarfism which, with the benefit of hindsight, seems to be a complete non-issue in comparison to her roid rage.

Ep39 A Strong Start to 2024

Happy New Year! Freddy starts 2024 off with a bang. Not only has he reverted to his 'no shoes' policy, but he kicks things off with yet another new business idea. For those of you who have yet to settle on a New Years' resolution; might we suggest brushing up on your history? The History Channel, Wikipedia, there's a wide variety of sources. But if we're brutally honest, South Park might be one of the best places to start. And in the spirit of the holidays, Carson and Freddy announce a fresh sighting of Frank Timis. After failing miserably as a heroin trafficker, he's trying his hand with African Agriculture Holdings (AAGR). Carson reveals how he survives the depths of boredom - hint, it's not responding to Krista. And for all the crap they give Elon Musk, Carson and Freddy give credit where credit is due.

Ep38 Academic Rambo at the Woke Museum

If you ever find yourself questioning your intellectual capabilities, just remember, Josh Mitts is still a Professor of Law at Columbia Law School. Whatever your feelings about his past work, there’s zero question about the complete lack of academic rigor, accountability, accuracy, intellectual honesty – whatever the hell you want to call it – in his latest research paper Trading on Terror?. Fret not, your favorite short seller is hot on his trail and Carson lays into Mitts’ self-anointed status as Academic Rambo. London has a new exhibit at the Science Museum and its relation to science is about as true as Mitts’ research. In brighter news, Freddy goes on to explain why he’s walked back his love for Robbie Williams faster than the Fed turned its back on ‘Higher For Longer.’ And as we close out the year, Jeffrey Ubben is the unquestionable leader for Retard of The Year. As a parting note, we’d like to wish everyone a Happy Holidays. Be sure to tune in next year. You won’t want to miss our new lineup of Woke Santa Claus, Contra-indicators with Jeffrey Ubben and as always, Monster Alpha!

Ep37 Bridgewater but with Monster Alpha

Although the Shark of Wall Street (“Carson”) isn’t donning his trucker sweater, he does have another colorful shirt for this week’s podcast. For those of you who’ve seen Episode 33 of ZFG (Stocks and Cocks at Fashion Week), it needs no explanation. But by some twist of the imagination, might he be trying to tell us that he actually enjoyed his TSA touch-up? Freddy had a good time in Mexico, which makes you wonder why he’s so sensitive to sitting down. Speaking of bizarre stories, we get a first-hand review of Rob Copeland’s new book, The Fund. Ever wonder what it’s like working at Bridgewater, the world’s largest hedge fund? Freddy gives us a complete download. Well, at least a two-thirds download. And with ski season upon us, Freddy shares a cautionary tale from a Swedish cross-country skier. If you ever find yourself in 18th place of a ski race, please raise the white flag BEFORE your dick freezes off.

Ep36 Laser Eyes at ApeFest 2023

If at all possible, try to divert your attention away from the t-shirts. The first rule of T-Shirt Club is: you do not talk about the damn t-shirts! The larger issue at hand isn't Freddy trying to revive the puffer style from the 1980s, it's the onerous regulations placed on private funds, particularly in light of the absurd proclamations frequently spewed by Cathy Wood. On a lighter note, does anyone remember the childhood dream of becoming an astronaut? Carson shares a few excerpts from a NYT article that might make you reconsider. South Korea demonstrates its lack of creativity with yet another short selling ban. The incels at ApeFest discover a whole new meaning behind 'laser eyes.' Freddy has another business idea for football hooligans-in-training, but being English and all, he's forgiven for not knowing that axe throwing is a Loggersport that's been around since the 1940s. And Carson pushes back against the incompetence of yet another law professor.